Selfish

So you love me. You love me, like you did yesterday, today morning and five minutes ago. Everyday you say it, no matter how hard it is, just to make me feel better, and I do. Those words, coming out of your mouth, are my ultimate Turn-Smile-On switch.

But today I don't care. I know you just want to make me feel better but today I just want to be left to cry (or die) alone. I need to be selfish, just once, just today, just this little bit...

Everyday I let myself pass by. Everyday I overlay my problems to help you dealing with yours. Every damned day I forget that I also exist, not only my love for you. Well, no more. Not today. If I can't take 5 minutes for my own on a regular day, I'm taking this sad one for myself!

My house feels like a morgue, and she ain't even dead (God-or-whatever-force-that's-up-there forbid!) and I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of all the peolpe, of all the compassion, of all the stress, of all the tears, of all my "just keep acting tuff and smiling, Ninii"! What's the point in faking it anyway?!

01/February/2009